Realization

She heaved a heavy sigh and breathed in another puff off her 5th fag for the day. She couldn’t stop thinking and feeling all alone. Zonti, her black Persian cat mewed. It effectuated the already complicated moment. Nina shut her eyes tight to fight back her tears for the millionth time. No, I am not going to break down ‘cos crying is for the weak, she told herself in desperate need for consolation. She drew in another puff. Fags were going to be the only friends for the night; the 12 bottles of beer she bought the night before were now empty and lay in the corner of her dark and musty room.

 

She coughed. Spirals of smoke went up the air..

 

She felt alone in a world of some billion+ inhabitants. She felt lost. She was lost; lost in her thoughts, drowned in her sadness and scarred by betrayal. Friendless, she felt. Alone, she realized. Life, she thought, was a bitch.

 

Subconsciously, Nina looked around for a broom. Not finding one, she meticulously swept aside the pile of ash using her hands. She stared around for a while. Why am I doing this, she asked herself. She saw no boon.

 

Her last fag was gone. Her last dollar was spent. Her last bottle of beer was over. The people she thought would never leave her had already left. Her trust was broken. Her cat walked to the cat-flap and slipped away to the neighbour’s. She was all alone; a feeling she had never felt until three days back..

 

Se didn’t feel angry, just hurt. Then again, she didn’t really feel hurt; it was a weird feeling of hate, betrayal and realization that at the end of the day it’s just oneself and the world.

 

 

That night Nina realized pondering over what had happened wouldn’t help.

That night Nina knew she would never be able to trust anyone as easily as she used to.

That night Nina felt alone, but she welcomed the bitter truth.

That night Nina embraced life with an optimistic perception; the purpose of life is to live it and to learn from it.

That night Nina walked out of her apartment as a wiser 20 year-old.

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