Hey there, you potential murderer ;).

What if I told you this post wouldn’t teach you how to kill someone and go uncaught? 😛   You’d kill me? O.o

Well, this post doesn’t. BAHAHA! I mean, come on, if my title was “Pollution”, would you have bothered to click on the link? No, right?

Now you don’t stop reading, okay? OKAY? YOU GET ME? RIGHT?

Good.

 

This post is about how to do your part in this very globally warmed Earth. No, this isn’t a damn lecture, so make your eyes round, like properly round, like mega eggs and read. OKAY? Good.

 

1. Don’t waste water. So, don’t wash yourself for days. Use Deodorants to appear fresh and nice. After all Rexona and the other shit promise 24 hour protection, right? And who are you gonna impress, anyway? You’re ugly. Haha, now you’re sure to kill me.

 

2. Don’t wash your clothes. WASHING TAKES UP SO MUCH OF WATER! ELECTRICITY FOR THE WASHING MACHINE! And if you’re a rich booch, more electricity for the dryer. Such a waste!

 

Honestly, I love the smell of unwashed clothes. So pure! Must make a perfume based on that fragrance..

 

3. If you really want to have a shower, have a shower with your neighbour ;). That old uncle can be very sexy, you know? And that fat aunty, too. 😉

 

4. Don’t brush your teeth. Have a mint instead. No wastage of water, bathroom light and toothpaste, which is pretty expensive now.

 

5. Runny nose? DON’T USE A TISSUE. Use your sleeve, may be? If you’re wearing sleeveless, use your underarm. No one smells your underarm, anyway.. Or, hmm, the sleeve of the person next to you? 

 

6. Use soap, not shampoo. Shampoos finish fast. More water wastage. Hey, wait! Why wash your hair, anyway?

 

7. SLEEP WITH THE NEIGHBOUR, SAVE ELECTRICITY. The old uncle and fat aunty might like it ;).

 

8. Don’t go to school. Think about the carbon emission! Think about the melting Ozone layer, you selfish pig!

 

9. Oh, you wanna go to a country with a cool climate when it’s Summer-ish here? ^_^ You stick your ass in the land of Sri Lanka and burn with us! Airplanes emit SO MUCH OF BLOODY CARBON!

 

10. Delete Facebook. You waste time on that, your laptop/phone runs out of charge, you charge it. YOU WASTE ELECTRICITY!

 

11. Hungry? Eat raw. Raw Chicken, Beef, Hen, Cat like they did in Stone Ages. I think they used fire, but eh, you’re having it raw. K? Oh, and it adds up to some goodass protein, you know? PUMP! PUMP! PUMP!

 

12. It’s very hot? First, switch that AC off, even the fan, and walk nakedddd. Free and Comfy.  

 

13. Don’t clean your ears. Then you won’t have to buy ear-buds ^_^. Plus, when your ears get filled with ear wax and you won’t have good hearing, you won’t understand a thing your mom says when she nags. Live the thug life, bro!

 

14. Kill yourself. Be considerate. See, if one dies, the world will have one less person to cater to. Good thinking, noh? I know, thanks.

 

15. Take a moment and intensely think about the melting Antarctica, rising sea levels and increasing heat. It’s all because of US. No, not the Yoo Es (US), but US as in US, you and me. I know you, as an individual, can’t bring about a  revolutionary change and bring back all that was lost because of the very selfish human nature.. You see an unused light on, switch it off. Buy recycled paper and recyclable plastic bags. Don’t litter. Don’t waste water. And do everything else that you’ve been told to do as a kid when it concerned pollution. At the rate at which the natural resources are diminishing, the generations to come will be left with nothing. It’s sad, really. Frequency of Earthquakes will double if we continue with all that we’re doing, doferstation and all. It’s all about conserving the resources. WHAT IF GOD MAKES YOU A CAT AND YOU’RE FORCED TO LEAD THE 2ND LIFE OUT OF THE 7 LIVES YOU’RE GIVEN AND YOU SEE NOTHING BUT BARREN LAND WITH NO WATER, NOTHING?! YOU’LL DIE AGAIN JUST TO RETURN AND SEE THE DIMINISHED STATE. Okay, I exaggerated a bit. Haha. I hope Point 15 really gets to you. By the way, I bet you didn’t see that serious point coming! 😛

 

I’ll stop now, my laptop’s down to 12%. Now I’ll have to go charge it, waste electricity. Oh, my big Macs. Sigh. 

 

Have a good, pollution-free life, amigo.

Cheers with some Halaal alcohol ;).

 

3 thoughts on “How to kill someone and go uncaught..

  1. Even though I kinda hate reading blogs, I’m impressed!! The way this point is put across is both hilarious but attention grabbing 🙂
    That is one good piece of writing.

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